Nightmarch 16 - 31 January 2010

Like a revolving door: Predictions for the future are always fraught with danger and potential misinterpretation, but I am confident 2010 will prove nothing like 2009 in terms of numbers of openings and closings of go-go bars is concerned. By my count, and I will admit it’s not necessarily comprehensive, 2009 had a record 22 openings, beating the previous mark of 21 in 2007. The big difference though was 2009 saw 18 closings compared to just 13 in 2007. The figures show for every person who fails in the maelstrom of the Pattaya nightlife jungle, there are at least two prepared to chance their financial arm. So we now have a record 82 go-go bars spread across Pattaya (an unheard of 55 in and around Walking Street); just how many of them make any money is the 64 million baht question.

Going up market: Away from the enclosed bar scene it’s amazing just how quickly the gentrification of Beach Road, between the northern and central sections, has happened. Less than three years ago much of the area was in need of tarting up, in a concrete and coat of paint way not in a two-legged wallet emptying way. Sauntering along this stretch one evening all the new glitz and glamour makes the Hard Rock hotel look like an ageing dinosaur. At the corner of Beach and Central Road’s the putting golf course has been replaced by a flashy boozer called Scu Bar. A few metres further up used to be Zeppelin, one of the oldest established German munching dens. It’s dark and staid lines have gone and been supplanted with a bright and fresh looking boozer cum noshery called the Beach Pub. Up near Soi 3 the Charming Inn sleeping palace was a place I used to find misnamed as it had the air of a condemned building, but it’s now been refurbished and can now justify its ‘charming’ moniker. Now that a Holiday Inn has established a presence in Pattaya, within a frozen Mars Bar throw of Charming Inn, I wonder how long it will be before Club Med finally turns up?

It’s a Date: A couple of customers -I’ll nickname them Ponytail and the Wing Commander- who recently discovered the carnal delights of the Windmill Club in Soi Diamond were very impressed with the cultural activities taking place in the confines of the establishment. They were especially taken with one uninhibited young lady who found herself in such an athletic position where Ponytail and the Wing Commander could discern the contents of her last meal.

While they thoroughly enjoyed the atmosphere of Windmill they did have one complaint, and it’s one I am sure is not unique to this popular den. Both men are essentially non-drinkers whose preferred thirst quencher is a glass of Coke/Pepsi. They ordered such in Windmill but after the first taste noticed it was flat and warm. They noticed the drink had been served from a bottle sitting atop the wet bar. As both told me, they don’t have a problem paying the silly prices most dens charge for lolly water, but would appreciate a drink that’s at least cold and not a few days old. They finished their drink and left, saying they would have purchased a second drink had the first not been so bad They will certainly be back as both really liked the joint, but it just shows how it’s so important for management in any bar to attend to the seemingly mundane in order to keep on top of a very tough game.

Blinked and I missed it: Snowice, a go-go bar sited very poorly behind the beer bars in the relatively new complex at the southern end of Walking Street has apparently closed after barely making a blip on the chrome pole radar. Chrome pole palaces sited within a beer bar complex and not readily evident to the passing perambulator rarely seem to work (Blue Lagoon II in the Best Friend complex is just one recent example), especially if they have nothing out of the ordinary to attract customers.

Trawling much further away, down in Soi 6 strange things seem to be happening with the Betty Boup go-go bar. On two recent occasions the lights have been off out front, but the doors open. Inside there was no music or dancers. I’m led to believe the same people operate the Passion Dance go-go bar directly across the road, and it’s well and truly open. So, I am assuming management don’t have enough staff and dancers to keep both places operational and have chosen to concentrate on promoting their newest venue.

Another centre of gravity: Soi Chaiyapoon recently had its road resurfaced -the first genuine attempt to make it reasonably navigable since Eve was mesmerised by a serpents tongue- and the bars along it, along with Soi’s LK, Diana Inn, and LK Metro, all running off Soi Buakhow, are now arguably the most popular among expats and regular visitors. Certainly a lot of people I speak to don’t bother much with Walking Street anymore for a variety of reasons -laziness among them of course- preferring to spend their money in air-conditioned go-go bars like Champagne and Club Oasis or coyote dens such as Papagayo and Club Blu. With a number of cheap but good food nosheries, the ‘specialist’ services joint the Devil’s Den (formerly Hell Club), loads of beer boozers and a number of Sierra Tango places it’s perhaps no surprise many punters stay local. Basically, there is something to suit all tastes within a few minutes walk of a number of hotels.

By the way, the Baby Boom go-go (in the little lane opposite the Sawasdee Hotel on Soi Buakhow) is now opening around 8:00pm with draught amber fluid at 49 baht.

Finally had the chop: Not that I care one way or the other but the long-running Limmatquai roosters-in-frocks den in Soi Diamond looks to have closed. It was one of the strangest locations for a bar I’ve ever seen, although to be fair that probably wasn’t the case when it first opened its doors, from what I can gather, some time in the mid to late 1980s. At its peak I guess it would have been the only den of its kind catering to punters who like their ‘girls’ with an Adam’s apple and a baritone voice. Certainly in the years I’ve been going down Soi Diamond I can’t recall a time when the place looked to have much in the way of custom.

More fruit required for the bowl: The Mandarin go-go bar in Soi 6 has about 10-12 dancing damsels of varying shapes, sizes, ages, and experience. On a recent visit the place was quiet in terms of bums on seats with only three customers while three girls cavorted on the narrow centre stage. Drinks start at 50 baht with lady drinks over the odds at 120 baht. No one wants for attention that’s for sure. A ladyboy who operates as a serving person and procurer wandered outside, slaughtered a buffalo and dragged the girl who had probably been sitting atop the beast inside and sat her down next to me. Not a word of English and she’d been in town for 12 days I was informed. Not a few minutes later and her friend parks herself beside me of her own volition. I soon realised why: her left eye was quite wonky, so she obviously couldn’t see me clearly. So, while sat on a comfortable lounge a 2-metre tall ladyboy, a buffalo girl, and a prime candidate for eye correction surgery were entertaining me. If this had been 1880 I venture to suggest they would have constituted the warm-up act for a travelling freak show. I might add that the girl with the dodgy eye was an extremely pleasant young lady of just 20, so I hope she manages to make enough money to at least see a decent ophthalmologist.

Beyond the fog: While I am certain it has a strong regular clientele, I am surprised at how quiet Misty’s go-go (Soi 15, off Walking Street) can be at times. Not deathly empty by any means, but quieter than it deserves to be given the number of chrome pole huggers employed and their generally hands-on one-eyed trouser snake friendly nature. I think in terms of overall friendliness and general atmosphere it rates as one of the better dens of the 55 in the area.

One of the worst in Fun Town: Although it will now be approaching its 15th anniversary, the Classroom 2000 go-go in Soi 2 is a shadow of its former self. There are about 82 dens of the chrome pole in Pattaya with over 50 on or around Walking Street. Of the almost 30 away from the main centre Classroom 2000 ranks close to the bottom as far as the quality of its dancing damsels is concerned. As one person noted, the mamasan clearly doesn’t have much ability as a talent scout.

Piece of Pith: “It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations.” (Winston Churchill)

31-Jan-10

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