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Try Not to Fart in Pattaya
Many men from European nations, American nations and others throughout the world have a propensity to fart when they have consumed sufficient beer and food of their usual type. In many places, indeed, some stalwart males are famous for their passing of wind; some even have competitions for the loudest and /or the most unpleasant of their anal expectorations. These ebullient ‘gentlemen’, possibly living on a diet of chips, fish, pies, certainly baked beans, and other, similar, haute-de-cuisine items are fine when they are at home. They can pass wind to their heart’s content after a few too many smoked herring and a substantial quantity of fizzy beer, or even a triple hamburger with all the gear and half a dozen ‘Buds’ or whatever. These guys are the funny people in the bar or pub and they see it as their ambition in life to make the most unpleasant smells and noises in their particular immediate social circle, which presumably disintegrates from time to time due to the consequences of the said reduction in olfactory ambiance. Frequently the punch line of their jokes is punctuated by scatological similes to accentuate a requirement; in that particular establishment, for more beer bought for him because he thought it was a good story. It is truly and seriously funny to watch one of these ‘gents’ in Thailand and particularly Pattaya. Whilst many of them are of average build, many of the giant farters are also giants themselves, quite often used to denigrating smaller people than themselves, which we all know is, if you are 20 stone and 6’2” tall pretty much 100% of the population of Thailand and substantial numbers of ex-pats too. However, as always, the Thais, and indeed the ex-pats living here, know that to fart in Pattaya is not a good idea, so tend to sit aside from the general melee and simply observe. Gambling is illegal in Thailand but occasionally a gentleman’s agreement is reached between a couple of ‘interested parties’ as to how long the large gentleman will retain his dignity. The large number of factors entering the equation, for the interested parties, may well include certain questions relating to the ‘fartor’ such as how long has he been in the Far East?; how long has he been drinking the water?; what has he been eating for the last 24 hours?; has he tried papaya pok-pok today? Has he drunk the tap water? Both in a ‘gentleman’s agreement’ and in practice these are the vital statistics necessary to try to guess at what exact time the inevitable will happen. For many people coming to Pattaya for the first or subsequent time/s, as with most people coming to any tropical country, their metabolism is upset to varying degrees by the change in water, climate and diet. Whilst this affects some people more than others, a serious watch on your own transient bodily functions is advisable. So, you wonder perhaps, what happens to our ‘farting friend’? Easy answer! His farts become unpleasantly liquid and he is forced to withdraw from the party somewhat ignominiously, and for a change quietly, perhaps even guiltily. Seriously though, if you are not used to the water and food here, especially for the first few days, be a bit careful. Most ‘ferang’ (foreigners) keep a few Imodium tablets on them at all times, just in case of the ‘liquid farts’. They can be obtained at any pharmacy because occasionally the locals need them too. It must be said, though, that the water and food in Pattaya are very carefully monitored by a large department of the Pattaya Council, and the hygiene in Pattaya is some of the best in Thailand, particularly as far as its street stalls and restaurants is concerned. Some westerners take longer to adapt than others, but for most there is no problem. Just don’t risk farting if you can help it. Submitted by : Rod Edwards 16-July-06
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Write in simpler english if you want people to actually read what you wrote. Your prose is overly inflated and cumbersome. Trying to use too many big words and lofty language that gives people a headache to read.
I know wht you were thinking..... but no, it doesn t make you look smart.